It was only after my father died that my brother and I realized my mother’s “forgetfulness” was really dementia and we had to make some difficult decisions regarding my mother’s care. I researched extensively and while many places sounded good – used all the right buzz words and catch phrases, And looked good on the outside- with beautifully decorated surroundings I found out quickly there is a lot more to “care” then initially meets the eye. The reality is that you can pay someone to take care of your loved one but you can’t pay someone to care about them no matter how lovely the surroundings are. That is something is that has to come from within an individual caregiver, and is exceptionally hard to find.
My mother ultimately ended up at Sunrise in Burlington MA and we had the incredible good fortune to meet Krissy Wuerdeman, who was the “Life Enrichment Manager/Validation Practitioner” at the time. Words really can’t do justice to how incredible Krissy is. She didn’t just see my mother (or others) as elderly residents on the dementia floor, but as the unique individuals that they are. Krissy, treated my mother, with dignity, respect and love. She ran Validation groups and developed programming that met each person exactly where they were at. They weren’t just groups to pass the time but were interesting and stimulating. I saw people who never spoke, engage in ways I didn’t even know they were capable of doing.
Krissy became a true friend to my mother. And to me. I learned so much from her about loving a parent who has dementia and figuring out the best ways to connect despite the changes in my mom. Krissy’s compassion and humor are a rare and wonderful combination. An added bonus were Krissy’s incredible children who visited with my mother and formed relationships of their own with her. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, Krissy was right by our sides for the 6 weeks until she passed away. Knowing that someone loved my mother- like she was her own family, made it possible for me to go to work and function during some very difficult times.
Krissy is an extremely gifted and rare individual and she is passionate about what she does. This work is a not a job for Krissy but a calling which shows up in every way. Krissy’s presence in my mother’s life- and in mine- is something I will carry with me and be grateful for the rest of my life.